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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome several hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been constantly caught off guard by others. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her friends disappeared then, since they had been drawn to him. This surprised her deeply. She put in increased attention toward our bond, likely realised more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several of her friends vanished and she isn't sure why. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

In recent times, both of us retired so we're spending time together, but I am finding the part I play between us feels one-sided. I introduce subjects and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she has strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking and different perspectives.

She is arranging a holiday to a nation I have traveled to many times and resided in previously. I attempted to share advice, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I have come back from four weeks in that country she hopes to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for a solution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. It should be based on facts like an unbiased account. Next involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument on this point. What you feel are valid, of course. The third step involves requesting how the two of you going to change the pattern between you."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative about themselves they cannot release since their identity is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out like this then consider your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, you'll have closure that you've been truthful.